My BFF's



The ladies...Lynn, Lisa, Me, Laurie, Cindi, Shana

This weekend we had our annual family ladies collectibles get together. We get together the first Saturday of December and having exchanged names, all the ladies on my mom's side of the family exchange gifts...things we collect for our Christmas decorating. This time of the year is so fun! We all look forward to it and have such a wonderful time together. We eat delicious food, exchange beautiful gifts, and fellowship together.

It is a wonderful gift to have family who are also your closest friends. Of course my husband is my best friend in the whole world but these women who I spent Saturday with are my best lady friends. Every girl needs girl friends and I only have a small circle of women who I consider my closest friends and most of them are my family. It is a blessing in life to know you have people who have a vested interest in your life regardless of what is going on because they love you because you are family. As I ponder the important things in life, the really important things, I can't think of one more important than family except my relationship with God. They are glue to my life helping me hold things together when things get loose. They are sure footing when everything else gets unstable. They are comic relief, safe places to tell secrets, constant prayer partners, truth tellers, encouragers, honest challengers...they are friends in the truest sense of the word.

Abby & Kate

Laurie (my mom) and Lynn (my aunt) are sisters and daughters of Roger and Lucy (my grandparents); with the home going of Lucy, they are the matriarchs of our family. Aunt Lynn has two girls, Shana and Lisa. My mom...has me:) and my uncle Larry gave us Cindi. We even have all our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, and cousins involved. I have Lauren and Abby, Lisa has Kate, and my brother gave us Madilyn and Emma. In all 3 generations are represented and before my grandma went home to the Lord, we had 4. How often does this happen I wonder as I sit in a room with some of my most favorite people in the world? How often do people set apart time with their family, focus on their family, make traditions that include generations? I hope it happens often, I hope more people than not get to experience the beauty of being in comfortable peace with family who are also your best friends.

But I don't think it happens nearly as often as it could. So many families are apart, either by physical distance or by emotional distance. So many are hurt and out of that hurt they hurt others. So many are broken, wounded, damaged, grieving, lost, or too busy. The attack on family is intense and has been for so long that the institution of family itself has been forced to reframe itself. Now books and TV movies are sold to show what the modern family looks like; one mommy or one daddy, two mommies or two daddies, step-moms, and step-dads, grandparents who are mommy and daddy, or foster parents, or adoptive parents, or aunts, or uncles, or older siblings, the list goes on and on. And while every single one of us deserves the white picket fence with a dog in the yard, dinner on the table, and homework done in the den...it just doesn't happen for everyone...for nearly anyone. So we hold on to the family system we have, we make it work with one mommy or one daddy, or however it looks and we make it work. And while we may deserve better, what we have can be incredible too and with a whole lot of work, prayer, and love what is built is a beautiful family.

Silly Cousins...Lisa, Cindi, Leanna, Shana

Lisa, Cindi, Leanna, Shana

In my family we don't have the perfect family stories either, we have all walked through hard things, fought for our families, some have lost the fight and we have divorce and heartaches in our pasts. We have hurts, redemptions, restorations, healings, and hard fought battles represented in our family. We have married folks, single folks, aunts, uncles, cousins, second & third cousins, great aunts, great uncles, grandparents, kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, mentors, confidants, we have it all. And in all the jumble of people that God has lovingly placed together in this family we have every type of personality represented, every opportunity to forgive, every reason to get upset, but we work hard to keep peace, to forgive, to not be offended, to love each other with extraordinary love. As I sat at Lisa's house the first Saturday of December in 2011 I realized again how incredibly blessed I really am...my favorite people are my family, they are my dearest friends, the people I want to spend my time with, and invest into. I am equally blessed to have friendships outside my family but these women are my family, my best friends. How exceedingly blessed am I to be apart of this family!




Abby and Cindi



Lisa and Kate & Leanna and Abby



Lynn and Laurie

Me and my sweet Abby

Me and my sweet girls: Abby and Lauren

Me and my nieces: Madilyn and Emma



Me and my mom, Laurie

Me and my mom



My mom and my girls

My mom and my nieces

Abby and Lauren

All the little girls: Kate, Abby, Emma & Madilyn

3rd Generation: Abby, Madilyn, Lauren, Emma & Kate

Lynn, Lisa and Kate

Shana, Lynn & Lisa

Kate and Shana

Living An Attitude of Gratitude

We all have much to be grateful for in our lives. Even those with hardships can be grateful in the midst of the storm if we choose to be so.

This weekend at church Pastor Paul Daugherty taught on letting Heaven Invade Our Praise. He had several amazing thoughts on this subject and I have reflected on what he taught throughout the weekend and throughout this morning.

To me, allowing God to invade my praise is always remembering I don't know where the person I am looking at is coming from: is her marriage falling apart, has he just lost his job, did she just get an argument with her parents, is he planning to run away, does she have a huge family party she is planning and she is running late, is he headed to an interview, is she packing for college, does she have 30 minutes before the baby wakes up and she is rushing to get home? We all are in different parts of our days when we encounter each other at the bank, in the grocery store aisle, at a stop light, or ordering lunch. What I am choosing to do each day is to remember that what you are going through is just as important as what I am going through and I determine in that moment to make what you are going through better, even if only for a minute. This is my gratitude for all He is in my life changing my attitude.

You know please and thank you are still important words. I work in a high school office and this year I have been working with the students who come to my office to sign in, sign out, call a parent, use a pencil, drop off a note, make a copy, etc. to use pleases and thank yous. You would be amazed how many times they don't, or maybe you wouldn't be surprised! I don't do what they need until they ask me nicely...isn't this something we all learned in Kindergarten but how quickly we all forget the person on the other end of what we have to do in that moment. They want the pencil, the copy, the phone call, the sign out sheet, they forget I am the one attached to making that happen for them and they skip over being polite to get what they need. I am determined NOT to do that in my life. I want to say please and thank you every time, even the times when they don't "deserve" it because that is clearly when they need it most. I have started making eye contact when I say thank you, so the person handing me my receipt, or my drink, or my groceries knows I recognize them and I am thankful for what they have done.

This time of the year is so magical. It is full of people being their best, giving their best but everyday is our opportunity to live a life full of gratitude for all we are blessed with. Even in the storms we are to praise God, in Psalms 34:1 (NLT) it says, " I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises." All times is all times, there isn't a day off, a situation that exempts us from praising Him and from that gratitude of what He has done, is doing, and is going to do from impacting all areas of our lives.

What Are You Pursuing?

So I went back to school a little over a year ago and it has been a challenge, a joy, a time consuming venture. I am so glad I have gone back but as I stayed up late last night finishing I was wondering if it is worth the lack of sleep and time away from my family, etc. The truth is...it is worth it.

I have known for a long time what I wanted to be when I grew up but I just haven't pursued it until now. I'm sure you can relate with life creeping in and squeezing out the things you know you should be doing. It isn't that what you are doing isn't fulfilling or wonderful or what you should be doing either it is just that it isn't what you know you could do to your fullest. There isn't anything better to me than being a mom to my daughters and a wife to my husband; it is the richest blessing of my life. But I don't think those will be diminished by my pursuing what I have wanted to do since I was a junior in high school. In fact it could make me better at those things. Living with unfulfilled expectations is a taxing experience on any person; resigning yourself to not reaching a goal or dream can be defeating. So even though the extra work and time is a huge commitment it is a step in making me more of who I believe God has created me to be. This can only be an enhancement to what I am currently doing, right? Right.

My husband and girls have been incredibly supportive as has my extended family and friends. I couldn't have continued had I not had their support. I am grateful for the opportunity to pursue this dream of mine; God is so good. In the Word we have a promise and I believe His Word is true and that anytime we obey Him and pursue what He has called us to do there is a grace for the process and blessing in the outcome. In Ephesians 3:20 (AMP), it says, "Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]". We all have to potential to be more than we are today, to pursue Him more, and to be transformed by obeying what He leads us to do.

What are you pursuing in your life? Is it a degree, a promotion, a healthier lifestyle, a better relationship with your family, with God? Whatever it is if it is you can do it if it is in obedience to what God has for your life. Don't give up! Don't quit!! Like Pastor Billy Joe Daugherty used to say, "Finish STRONG!"

I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet...

So we have been having earthquakes in Tulsa this week. Last night we had our 3rd one and it was earlier in the evening so Lauren my 14 year old felt it too. These occurrences are a little exciting and very strange. I can't wrap my brain around how people in other areas just get used to these earth tremors and to their dishes shimmying all over the place. But people do, just like we are used to tornado watches and warnings, or others are used to hurricanes, each part of the world respectively gets used to what the earth brings our way.

It did get me to thinking how fear can creep into our lives without us really knowing it. I was talking to a friend who has been set free from debilitating fear and her family was concerned these earthquakes would cause her to be fearful again. However she is fine and is resting in God's peace. How easily fear can come against us and how easily we allow it to take hold in our lives. It takes more effort to fight fear with faith then to succumb to being scared. Faith says that Jesus has our lives in His control and to rest in the fact that we are okay despite.

I admit I was pretty freaked out the first time I felt an earthquake rock my home while my babies slept in their beds. I was frantically thinking about what to do and because I didn't know what to do I didn't do anything but wake my husband up:)! As I stood smack dab in the middle of my living room, with my sleepy eyed husband, and rather excited dog, I felt fear try to sneak into my mind. But as quickly as the fear came it went as His peace that passes all understanding encompassed my life and my situation. Awww...thank you for peace Lord.

So while these shimmies and shakes are making big news in Tulsa, I find myself grateful for knowing my life is set on the Rock and that no matter what happens He is big enough to love and protect me and my family.

Thankful for the Power of Forgiveness

Eight years ago today I found out devastating news. News that rocked my world and changed my life in every way possible. I found out my husband had an affair with a lady where he worked. He had been acting funny for a few weeks but today was the day I found the proof and confronted him. November 7, 2004 is the day my life fell apart around me.

We had been married 6 years and were about to celebrate our 7 year anniversary on the 28th of November. I didn't see it coming at all. We were active in our church, volunteering and teaching in a marriage ministry. I was working full time in a church office and he worked for a local trucking company in the office; we had a 7 year old daughter in private school and as far as I could tell we were doing good.

We had our ups and downs don't get me wrong and I knew we had things to work on but I didn't really look at him. I didn't really want to see what may or may not be going on. I just wanted it to be okay and if I didn't examine it hard enough, if it stayed fuzzy around the edges, out of focus, then it was okay. I chose to believe we were alright when in fact we weren't, we really, really weren't. He wasn't honest either...and no matter how bad it was it wasn't bad enough to excuse what he did. No one ever deserves to have that type of betrayal done to them.

This month my husband and I celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. This month we officially have been together longer than we were before the affair happened...this is significant to me. I didn't know if would make it through the pain and heartache that was my life after I found out what he did. I didn't know if I would be able to get me back, does that make sense? I was lost in it all. There wasn't an area of my life that wasn't effected. I questioned my faith, I railed at God then just as quickly ran to Him, wept at His feet, begged for mercy, for relief, for the agony to stop. My feelings for my husband swung a wide pendulum - from extreme anger to desperate hope, from unrelenting hurt to forced happiness, from planning my escape to stubbornly holding on waiting for the rescue to come.

I knew really early on I wasn't going to leave him over this. God did a work in my heart and I knew I wanted to be married to this man even though what he did was awful, I quickly was able to separate what he did from who he was. He isn't awful what he did was but he wasn't and isn't. With the decision made to not leave him...which was really easy with God's help, the hardest part began, walking out the decision to stay, figuring out what the DNA of this relationship was going to be now that this horrible thing had happened. I grasped at everything I could to be happy. My nerves were raw, I was an emotional time bomb. Where he had simply moved on, I was rehearsing everything that had ever happened in our relationship. I was replaying every word I had read on those text messages, I was planning and plotting for what I don't know but I was making plans nonetheless. I would look at him while he slept and I would just weep, sob for what he had done, cry for where it taken us, weep for what I had become. I would get angry that with so little pain to himself he moved on, I wanted to be unforgiving, I wanted to hold it against him, and make him pay for all he had done. But I knew my survival in every area of my life depended on me doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do. I had to choose to forgive and chose to forgive him a hundred times a day in the beginning. I had to choose to let it go and to not associate our entire relationship with this one event. I had to release him from getting what he deserved and bless him and wish for the best for him instead. I had to stop rehearsing what had happened and start planning for my future.

We met with a couple together and they helped us work through all the many steps that we encountered for the next couple of years. They prayed for me when I had reoccurring nightmares and my husband I discovered hadn't gotten of scott-free, he was walking out his own healing. He was coming to grips with the fact that due to his decision our lives changed forever and there wasn't any changing that fact so we had to figure out. Things started to get into a routine, we were coasting. But my heart wasn't right...I wasn't right...I was bitter and my heart was hardened. I had to do something and quick...otherwise I wasn't going to be the same person at the end of this ordeal.

I sought counsel from a Godly woman on my own. At first my husband was concerned that I was looking for a reason to leave but in truth I was looking for my reason to stay. I had to get myself right, my heart right towards my husband, towards the Lord, towards myself, if I didn't do this I wasn't going to be able to last. I was only allowing God to do just so much work in my life, not enough to be completely healed because if that happened then he would be completely forgiven and if that happened and something happened again I didn't think I would be able to survive it. I used my own bitterness and hurt as a shield against a future hurt that still to this day hasn't happened. I was planning in the event of another battle and I was using my hurt as a weapon. After much honest reflection, counsel, conversation, and prayer, I came to the conclusion that I had three choices:

1. Accept my life the way it was, embrace the woman I was becoming, hurt and bitter, and stop complaining about it.
2. Leave him and the situation behind.
3. Allow God to do the work He was capable of doing the entire time and let Him transform my mess into a message, my brokenness into wholeness, my hurt into healing, my despair into hope. I had to choose to really forgive.

I chose #3.

The work to stay together has been hard. I can't say it has been harder on my part than on his, his journey has been very different from my own. However, the work has been worth it. When I decided to stay with my husband that was the easiest part, walking that decision out has been the hardest, most rewarding, most spiritually challenging, most transforming process of my life. I am so glad I did it.

I told my husband today that even though I wish that situation didn't happen in our lives, when I look back I am thankful for who we are today. I like us as people better and as a couple better. I know I have allowed God to work in my life, He has made me into someone closer to who He desires me to be through this experience. It is still an ongoing healing and battle. I work diligently to guard my thoughts and we work hard to communicate effectively together. We still miss it and we still mess up but we have fought long and hard for this relationship and we have discovered we don't go down easily. When I couldn't do anything else in the midst of my pain I cried out to Jesus and He was there. My only regret is not allowing Him full reign over my life to complete the work that took so much longer to do than necessary. He is able to do what we couldn't even imagine if we only allow Him. When I finally allowed Him to do it in my life the result was amazing.

So today is a milestone day for me. We have lasted longer than most people would have imagined to begin with and we have been together longer than we were before this event happened in our lives. I started confessing that this situation would only be a tiny blip on the radar of our lives and I can see it happening. Today doesn't hurt me like it did for so many years, I didn't grieve today like I did for so many years, I have had no tears today as I had for so many years. No, today I am grateful, today I am rejoicing, today I am married to my husband and we are happy and more in love than I ever thought possible. Today God gets all the glory for doing what only He could do, without Him I would be lost and alone, with Him I am found and embraced.

Today it is easy for me to choose joy, when I remember a time when my joy was lost and I see how far we have come and all He has done...yes today my heart overflows with joy.